Jenny Andersen

Five Ways Writers Are Not Like Real People

Are writers real people?  Yes.  No.  Maybe.  Sometimes.

1.  Writers like to be alone.  No.  Writers have to be alone sometimes.  The muse is often shy, and she doesn’t come out to play when there are too many distractions.  Other people may turn off the phone and ignore the doorbell, but I’ll bet writers do it more often and with less guilt.

2.  Writers often forget where they are and what they’re doing and with whom they are doing it because the story has commandeered their brains.  Does the term ‘space cadet’ describe their behaviour?  Yes.

3.  Writers have long conversations with people who aren’t real.  And oh, man, this is truly one of the perks of writing.  (And of insanity, but of course we writers are not insane.)  The first time one of my characters spoke back, I ran screaming to my dh--“He talked to me, he talked to me.” (DH was underwhelmed.)  What the character said was, “Get real, babe.  I wouldn’t do that.”  Then he walked off the page and there was much work involved in getting him back.  And in changing the story to one in which he agreed to participate.

4.  Writers are totally portable.  All it takes is paper and pen.  Or computer and the ability to recharge. As long as they can record those random thoughts that might lead to a best-seller.  This is a real plus if the writer’s significant other likes to take spur-of-the-moment trips.  Or go camping.  Just grab the writing implements and go.  The downside is that the writer is apt to dive into the story and not emerge until bears are pillaging the campsite or white water has tossed the boat over a waterfall.

5.  Writers may not get dressed for days and days and days.  Or weeks.  Stumbling from the breakfast dishes (piled in the sink, of course) to the computer and starting work while still wearing pjs is one of the big perks of the profession.

And, bonus point here:  Writers are sure getting the book done on time is worth any number and size of dust bunnies.